Why I think the Home Depot look is sexy.

urlI’m into women. I married a woman. I enjoy how women look. I like the confidence in a woman. This isn’t  some sort of hetero mission statement, I’m just saying I prefer women to girls. Apparently a lot of men like girls, and I’m not one of them.

Which is why I’m not into the school girl look. You know, that catholic school girl look? Plaid skirt, tiny shirt, book bag, possible scarf, maybe a beret. For me, ladies can pull that off up until their 30/31, then you just look like you failed high school because of a learning disability.  My wife is in her late 30’s and if she dressed like a school girl for me at this point, I’m not thinking sexy. I’m thinking she needs some remedial help from the Sylvan learning center.

I do realize that based on my opinion, a woman’s role play costume options  become more and more limited as she gets older. I mean whats the alternative to sexy school girl? Sexy ESL student? Or slutty night school student trying to elevate her self past her dead end job at No Frills,  so she can leave her abusive husband while still supporting her kid with the learning disability? There’s not enough Viagra in Singapore.

Sexy nurse, hot librarian, slutty school girl, all of them are very traditional role playing costumes and there’s nothing wrong with them. In fact at one time or another,  I would have thought they were the apex of sexy. But as I’ve gotten older my tastes have changed. Give me a Home Depot chick. With the jeans and the orange shirt and the tiny apron full of screws… She knows the difference between a Philips and Robertson screw driver even though I still call them star head and square head … And she knows what isle to find them in! (GRRRRR).

Not sure what my wife was into before me. (I like to think it was dudes with the entire roster of Justice League action figures, but I’m sure that’s not it.) I know what she’s into now: dudes who can build and repair things. Oh my God, if I was handy, my wife would be all over me all the time. That’s a fact!  Sadly, the only thing I can build is a blanket fort and a resistance to small pox and the latter is still only hypothetical. When it comes to getting my wife in the mood, I tend to rely on my boyish charm, ironic racism and large glasses of the incredibly strong home made wine my Dad makes.

I think my role playing fantasies  have become less traditional, and more realistic. I enjoy my wife being my wife, but if she can be her at a party or a club or something or at a book signing in Chapters…HAWT. We don’t have casual sex anymore. We know each other to well. We know the other persons habits, behaviors and crevices. We know when one of us had their (me) hands down their (me) pants (more relaxing less sexual kind of way) while watching Buffy the vampire slayer last week. So to have sex there’s a lot of prep. Showers must be had and animals need to be herded. We have to make sure that the sun is in the right part of the sky, and that the solstice is upon us. There’s a process that MUST be honored.

That’s why casual sex is my new role playing. I would go even as far as calling it a  less intense LARPing experience for two. I’m sure this will all change again in the future. Maybe at some point sexy pirates and horny cyborgs might be my thing. Right now however, school girls just don’t do it for me. Give me a woman any day.

Follow me on twitter @GavinbStephens and join me on Facebook

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