Teen Wolf would be a misery story in real life


(Originally written for my column; Things I learned while buying plastic men,  for Geek Hard)

I really had nothing to write about this week, until  I watched Teen Wolf the other night (The movie, not the melodramatic TV show). Man, America has changed! There was a time in movie history for that nation, when an outsider could win over the hearts and minds of his class mates by showing his or her usefulness, be it by transforming  into a slam dunking werewolf. Nowadays, said outsider could just shoot said class mates and be done with it.

Teen wolf would be something spectacular were it real, and happened in 2013.

First off, the accounts from the survivors at  Beacon Hills high school,  where faculty decided to let a werewolf play point guard because it might help them win the big game, would be disturbing to say the least. Just a series of confused youngsters staring into CNN cameras saying things like “I don’t know where you even find a werewolf?” or “Why did they let it loose after locking the doors to the gymnasium?” and “How did they even get a werewolf in a jersey? I mean who put on the knee high socks?”

America loves it’s sports. In fact, the talent on one American Football team is equal to the entire CFL roster. So when a loosing school suddenly has an upswing in their basketball stats, Americans will take notice, which means copy cats. When those people find out  a Lycanthrope can dunk, you know all across the country schools will be trying out different mystical creatures on all their sports teams. Mummy wrestling. Vampire gymnastics. I wouldn’t be surprised to see an entire undead rowing team. STROKE! brains. STROKE! brains.

There’s no way in 2013 that a werewolf could dance on top of a delivery truck without it being uploaded to the internet. We see how many hits just being a cat gets you on youtube. Just imagine how viral a video of a half man/half wolf hand standing in traffic would be? I think we just found a new Bieber.

In closing I’m not sure if any would put a werewolf on their basketball team or not.  I just know what it would be like if they did it in 2013.

Follow me on Twitter @GavinbStephens



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