So you’re in Love? Now act Stupid

My biggest problem with marriage currently is convincing my wife to build a blanket fort.  Every once in a while, on a Friday night,  I’m like “Hey let’s light some candles, put on some sensuous music, then push the couches together, throw some blankets on top so we can make love in our imaginary space capsule that’s been jettisoned from a Corellian cruiser.  We can climax before we hit Tatooine!” Sounds like a date to me.

Don’t get me wrong, my wife can be just as moronic as any one of us; I’m sure her Friday night would involve me lifting her above my head in a lake somewhere…

I believe a certain level of immaturity is important in every relationship. There is so much reality in our lives on a daily basis. Just trying to keep your head above water can be so daunting. It’s nice to know there is someone special out there who understands the importance of doing the robot dance whenever, and wherever, the Wu Tang Clan’s C.R.E.A.M comes on. Ikea As Is section, gawkers be damned!

Have you ever seen serious people in relationships?  Silently reading separate newspapers in restaurants or never saying a word in their cars during long bouts of traffic. Most wedding vows don’t involve murder-suicide pacts, but those people make me wonder. It’s sad to know there are couples out there who will never know the joy of sharing a horrible cockney accented duet of Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. It’s important to have Occasional Mental Midgetry (O.M.M) because it allows one to release pent up hostility or rage.

Don’t get me wrong, there still needs to be some semblance of a relationship. By no means do I think of my wife as my “best friend”… anymore.

I’ve grown to hate the term ‘Best friends’ when talking about my wife.  I can’t treat that woman like I treat my best friends. Best friends you can not talk to for months. and then when you do, you guys just play Marvel Vs. Capcom all night without  saying a word to each other, other than ‘booyah’ and ‘in yo face’ (Sadly all my friends are old) and no one is offended or upset. I do that to my wife, I’m being disrespectful (Although I would never lose at Marvel Vs. Capcom).

Also unlike my best friends, I am 100% myself around her. There are no masks. I’m completely relaxed and normal. Scratch that. I’m completely relaxed. Fine. I’m happy. What I’m trying to say is that it’s a very special thing to be completely sympatico with someone else’s thick-headedness. Whether we’re arguing over Connect Four, or having a lightsaber Kendo stick battle, the point is we aren’t acting on our murder-suicide pacts. And that, my friends, is real love.

I tour comedy, and post regularly. Follow me on twitter @GavinbStephens or join the Fanpage

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